Absolute silliness, the world will tell me. But it works for me. It’s obviously not sustainable nor is it remotely realistic. I’ve actually already failed.
But I’ve committed to myself that when I’m around you and you cry, I will drink your tears. By holding you in my arms, by squeezing you like nothing else in the world matters, and by slurping whatever teardrops are rolling down your cheeks with an insatiability I wish I could direct to all aspects of my life.
“Daddy drinks your tears.”
So today my love for you is a teardrop. It has worked so far. And I’m willing to do it for as long as it works, and I’m willing to try it for the rest of your life if there’s a chance it will work ever again.
That’s fatherhood, I guess. From where I stand right now, that’s an example of fatherhood.
What a great family weekend in the Poconos. We haven’t spent nearly enough time with the family, which means you, my loveliest of little ones, haven’t built that connect yet either. We’ll get better about it. There’s no choice. These are the people who raised me and every single person in one of the following pictures has had such a profound influence on my life, it’s disappointing to me how little time you’ve actually spent with them. That is on me to fix.
I can talk about the Poconos in so many ways. A few highlights:
Dadaji being your formal stroller pusher. He likes predictability and schedules. And now he’s got one very clear place to own the relationship with you.
Dadiji filled with pride. When you smile. When you turn. When you eat. When you do anything, I swear I can see her heart swell from the outside in.
Dadi Naniji. One of the sweetest and most purely loving people in the world doing what she does best with everyone, with you — loving.
Hitu Dada Mama. One of the quirkiest members of the family and one who will undoubtedly become one of your favorites. He’s always behind the scenes but he’s always there. Like in the pictures…never the subject, always enabling. And he was the first one to hold you each morning because he was awake, there, and waiting. Like he always is.
Charu Dadi Mami. She’s going to make you stronger and she’s going to make you laugh. And she’s also going to make you famous with her photography. With so many boys around, she’s one reason you’ll be spoiled and supported unconditionally.
Chetu Dada Mama. The baby whisperer. You already have some amazing photos with him but they don’t capture his thirst for life. His will be a pair of arms and a lap that you will always gravitate to — every child does.
Prity Dadi Mami. She fought hard to have you sleep in her room but we were silly parents about it. 🙂 It happens. She’s the one who made this weekend happen and you’ll see, that when family events happen, she’s such a powerful glue. She was the first person to welcome your mom to this side of the family.
Tito Foi. If there’s a person who loves you and thinks about you more, please let us know. She gave you one of the longest, most relaxing, and most public (there was quite an audience) massages you’ll ever have. Expect more such pampering through eternity.
Suraj Kaka. The human jungle gym. Not just for kids, for adults too. It was his first time meeting you but you can see the love in his eyes. You’ll always be protected when he’s there. He’s truly all heart.
Holly Aunty. For many of us, the first time meeting her, so you were in no different a place. But she embraced you the right way, and you’re going to have a friend for life in that one — for now though, we’ll jus tfocus on commenting on each other’s Facebook walls. 🙂
Sohum Kaka. Daddy’s older brother. He’s off to San Francisco to become Teacher Man, and do what he does best — make other people better. I couldn’t be happier that he got time with you before he left. You know, he was the first baby Daddy actually remembers holding and changing diapers for?
Neil Kaka. Swoon. That’s what most people do around him and I’m sure this time will be no different. But I think, he’s met his match. And you can see it in his face and the way he talks about you to his friends. The swooning is going the other way. And you know he’s made so many trips to see you here in Jersey City — though maybe it’s because of Daddy’s fridge, too?
Eeshan Kaka. He took you to your first coffee shop, you know. Eeshan Kaka is saving the world starting with North Carolina, so it was great to make sure you got extended time with him here. He’s got a mind and brainpower that reinforces your pedigree — and compensates for Daddy in so many ways.
Amu Kaka. He’s been the same personality since he was 12 months old — and it’s bound to be one of your favorites. We’re going to drive down to visit Kaka while he’s at Delaware, and we’re going to let him carry you and push the stroller. Because that’s a great way to pick up girls. The problem might be, that based on how he looks at you (and tweets about you), he may miss all the action around him.
That’s part of your family, munchkin. Look at all that love. And if it’s hard for you to read all this, maybe it’s better for you to check out the pictures below. One of my favorite goodbyes. As a man who has struggled with goodbyes for ages (one of the best parts of my childhood were when your Dada Mama’s used to come visit almost every Friday, one of the worst parts of my childhood were when they would leave on Sunday) this brought me to tears. Every person having their own unique moment with you. Every person smiling at you smiling back.
It’s the one thing I think everyone in the world needs more of. It’s the one thing I want most for you: to feel loved. Always. Unconditionally.
As your family hugged you, kissed you, reinforced their love for you, and then passed you along to the next in line, I couldn’t help but feel certain that you are one who’s loved in ways that go beyond any form of measurement. And that, makes Mommy and me, the happiest people in the world.
Does this qualify as the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my life? If not, it’s close. It’s darn close.
Your amazing Mom, as usual, woke up this morning with you and took care of you while Daddy shook off the lingering effects of a night out with some friends. I pushed my wake up from 6:45 to 7:45 and the extra hour was necessary.
I came down refreshed and ready to head out to work, but then things got interesting. You were on your playmat, your once favorite playmat now turned least favorite place to be playmat, so your fussiness (I say fussiness by your standards recognizing that for any other being in the world, it would qualify as mild, borderline unnoticeable, discomfort) was expected. But what happened after changes how I will se the world for the rest of my life.
You reached out for me.
You were uncomfortable on the mat. Your mom picked you up. And you stayed a little uncomfortable.
Then you looked at me and you reached your hand out to me. You wanted Daddy. I took you, and you stopped fussing. You were happy. I was over the moon. And your mom was gracious — because she does all the work and yet somehow, you still wanted me.
It’s a beautiful moment. When I handed you back to Mom so I could head off to work you looked back at me and reached out. Again. Which is the shot I caught on camera here. The original moment is captured in a more permanent and easy-to-reference place: my heart. For the rest of time.
Today my love for you is best defined by reach. I’ll never forget your face when you started, and your calm when I held you. The most perfect of father-daughter moments, and the first of many to come I’m sure.
7.5. Ounces. If you’re not a parent or haven’t been around young’uns this makes no darn sense to you. But if you are, or if you have been, and you see your ~13lb 4.5 month old go to town on a bottle of formula like she was battling Kobayashi on Coney Island, well — you’d write about it too. And if you didn’t have a blog, you’d get one. And if the right name wasn’t available, you’d search WHOIS and make an offer on the name you wanted. And if they didn’t respond, you’d wait. A little while, and then come up with something creative as a substitute that ended up being better than your first idea.
All because your kid took down 7.5 ounces (out of 8) at a time when her best performance to date hovered around 6.
Next stop, the moon.
Today my love for you is insatiable, but in a very literal way. Love you my doughnut (we’ll go back to munchkin tomorrow, but based on your performance, doughnut just feels so much more right.)
From the moment you were born, I knew you had something to share with the world. Silly me for thinking you’d wait until you had some words to piece together before attempting to do so first.
I am an absolute sucker for baby talk. I get it from my Mom. Nobody in my house (except for my Dad, your Dadaji) talks to my mom in a normal voice full-time. There’s always a softening of the voice because that’s what she does to people.
What I find interesting is that the second we talk to you in a baby voice you decide not to participate. But when adults are having a normal conversation, you want nothing more than to be a part of it.
Why? Because you’re a genius and because you have something supremely valuable to add to the conversation. We now know better. So today my love for you is all about the conversation. Looking forward to anything and everything you have to share, for the rest of my life.
We’ve been blessed, my love. We’ve had the fantastic fortune of catching you at two very unique and powerful firsts: the first time you laughed out loud, and the first time we caught you discovering your feet. Not noticing they exist. But actually playing with them. Exploring them. Discovery in the purest sense of the word.
I’m not sure who was more mesmerized by the experience. You? The finder of said feet. Or your mom and I, creators of you, who I now consider the Jane Goodall of feet. See video for evidence.
Some highlights?
:05 – When you get after your foot with both hands.
:13 – When we make eye contact – because that’s always a highlight and always will be.
:27 – When your mom calls out the fact that you’re going to put your foot in your mouth.
:45 – When prove your mom to be prophetic and try to put your foot in your mouth.
:53 – When you discover you have a second foot.
So today my love for you is all about feet. Maybe I’ll never say that again? But my guess is that with you, all rules go out the window.
I’m growing up fast aren’t I. I’m saying that here, to you, because I know if we even imply it around Daddy he’ll get teary eyed and cry (by the way, can we work on that?) It’s my last day as a three month old. Can you believe it?
It’s also your first Mother’s Day. It’s better if we make this post about you.
I know you can believe how fast I’m growing because you spend every day with me. I’ve been around for almost four months, and you’ve been around every single day since — but the truth is, you’ve been a Mom for much longer. There’s no denying it actually because it’s all documented in the book I wrote you on your birthday.
When I first wrote that I was still figuring things out, but the world makes more sense to me now. You. My Mommy, make more sense to me now. And watching you in action is the reason why I feel the most comfortable around you and in your arms. Sure, I love everyone I meet! We proved that in Savannah didn’t we? It’s hard for me not to like people when even random passersby say things like “she’s the absolute cutest” or “look at how happy she is.” But there i s nobody in the world like my Mommy.
I love when people look at me and comment on how happy I am. I wish I could get into the conversation with them (lord knows I’m trying) and tell them why!
It’s because of you. How you take care of me. How you play with me. How you feed me. How you put your whole world aside for me. How you take me out. How you help me see the world. How you take me to music class. How you play peek-a-boo by using the soles of my feet to cover your eyes. All of those things make me so happy, Mommy.
How could I not be happy? You sing Pharrell’s “Happy” to me at every waking moment. As an aside, I hope when I grow up, I’ll be able to sing like you. If not, I’ll be equally happy sitting back and watching you sing, just like Daddy does. And I’ll smile with him when you forget the words or just make up your own.
You’re a Mommy. You’re my Mommy. You’re the best Mommy I could have hoped for. And even though I’m only (almost) four months old, I want you to remember the most important thing ever. When I’m teething. When you’re sleep training me. When I’m just cranky because I’m a baby and I’m allowed to be. When I’m being stubborn and not letting you finish feeding me.
I want you to remember that every single time I smile, it’s because you put me in position to. You made it all possible in the first place, and now you make it all possible every single day.
Smile with me, Mommy. You’ve earned it. Happy Mommy’s Day!
FINALLY! You started rolling so fast (5 weeks) we weren’t prepared. The first time you rolled over we actually didn’t believe it. So we put you back on some tummy time and wouldn’t you know it? You rolled again. I don’t care if you are ahead of the curve, on the curve, or behind the curve. In my eyes, you’ll be loved for being you, whoever you turn out to be and wherever that takes you. (There will be some expectations about the kind of person you are and the kind of effort you put in, but we don’t need to talk about that now. You also have it documented here for posterity so if I ever change, you can call me on it. Lucky. You.)
Ever since those back-to-back rolls we’ve been trying to capture your roll over in motion. We’ve come close. Sometimes my phone failed me. Sometimes my reflexes fail me. And sometimes you pump fake, back and forth on that roll so often that timing you on the turn is next to impossible.
The beauty of taking you to Savannah, little did we know, was that not only would the pace around us slow, so would your roll. (Slow your roll, girl!) I stood by your side with camera ready because I saw the roll coming. Like a vision. So I stood, camera pointed, and ready.
The results were beautiful, and as always, ended with your smile. I’m happy I caught this now because soon we’re going to focus on watching you turn the other way.
So today my love for you is on the rolliest of rolls. Keep on rollin’.
We are wrapping up our first vacation, my love. I am about to start a new job on Wednesday and so we decided to take some time and travel to a place where the people have really figured something out. We came to Savannah. Where the pace of the world is just perfect. The food is out of this world. And people are exceptional, taking Southern Charm to new heights (and our spirits right along with them.) There are few places where the host at a restaurant can set your mood for the whole day on such a rockin’ first step that it would take multiple acts of God to change course.
And wouldn’t you know it? You fit right in. You brought all of your magic with you from LGA and unleashed it upon this beautiful southern city like they have never seen. From the neighbors on our flight, to the people in line at Mrs. Wilkes. From the bellmen at the Forsyth and the Westin, to the wait staff at every restaurant from Local 11 Ten Food & Wine to The Olde Pink House. From the wedding party who saw me walking circles around the lobby to the random members of the International Oil Spill Conference 2014 who realized that my job as your dad trumped their wildest dreams 10 times to Sunday.
You.
Brought.
Magic.
To everyone who saw you. To everyone who was lucky enough to be within earshot of your gurgles and sight of your smile. You make life grand, my genius, every single day for those who know you. But this vacation, you made life grand for everyone you came across. And for that reason, we could not have been more honored to be your parents.
Life is grand. Love is grand. Ain’t it? You be the judge.
Can you believe it? Your mom actually trusted me. Alone. With you. For a whole day. She had stuff to do. So Daddy stepped-up. And you know what? Best day ever.
We had a pretty fantastic day. We started out on the right foot by sucking all the snot out of you. I am usually the person who has to do that because Mommy thinks you’re going to get hurt or she looks at you and starts empathizing and feeling your pain before even you do — in a way only a mom can. I look at you and think fairly practically, “D*mn! We need to get that snot out before it turns into an ear infection.” And then I get after it. So that’s how we started.
After rocking out some breakfast and keeping you propped for a while, we shifted to the play mat. That’s right. You know EXACTLY what time it was. Tummy time! And you crushed it. I mean, 12-13 minutes. Talk about endurance. You rolled over pretty much right away so I knew you weren’t playing around. But after proving your advanced skills you spent the rest of the time on your neck exercises.
You were pretty wiped after that. So it was time for your first nap. A power nap. 30 minutes. I wish I could look as good as you do going into and out of a nap. I also wish I could be so instantly happy. Do you really wake up feeling this happy? Wow. You just taught me another lesson and changed my life again. Thanks guru!
We moved to the bed. Hung out a bit and rolled through most of The Cat in the Hat. Good times. But you were a little restless. And at this point, Daddy was actually a bit hungry. I figured I’d earned some delivery so went for a breakfast fritata and some breakfast potatoes. There was a point where I felt like you were about to give up on breast milk and upgrade yourself to the hard stuff. When you do, I at least know what you want to get after first. I also know that now I’ll be sharing my breakfast choices with both you and your mom. Awesome.
More play time. More tummy time (round 2.) We got you to 10 minutes but it was a fight. I wonder if I could have kept you on your tummy for even longer. The problem? Every time I turned you over, you looked like this. And frankly, this is the best face the world has ever seen so I allowed myself the guiltiest of pleasures — your dimple and your smile. Once people look at this picture I know I’ll be forgiven for not pushing harder on tummy time at this particular moment.
So the goal was to take you into work at this point. We were hitting the 1pm mark and that was around your sweetspot for travel, or so I was told. So after changing you and feeding you, I got you ready to go. Monkey suit on. Baby Bjorn, harnessed. It was just a matter of getting the two together. I’m going to share a picture of what you looked like before I tried to pull all of this together. Because after … well, let me cover the after, after.
What most people may not realize is that you hate this outfit. As adorable as it looks on you and you look in it, having you in this and then taking you anywhere is brutal. If we’re going to have you wear it we should just carry you. But this and a Bjorn are disastrous. So after fiddling with all of this for 30 minutes and getting you to exhaustion I pulled you out of this outfit, put your old gear on from earlier in the morning — and you faded away like Michael Jordan on the Wizards. Out. So I nixed our trip to the city. And enjoyed you nuzzling in my neck first. Followed by throwing on an episode from one of the last seasons of Breaking Bad. I even captured two critical moments for posterity.
Ahh, Walter White. Few shows are timeless. I fear this show will be completely unappreciated by your generation. It’s ok, you’ll hear me talk about it and love me for it because I’ll never do anything that annoys or exhausts you. (Let me believe that.)
I held you for a bit. I cherished it. But then you were getting hot and Daddy had to actually get some work in. So he placed you in the MamaRoo and got after his job. A good thing in the end.
After this nap I fed you. You were hungry. But you were also twisting and turning your head like mad. To the point where your bib actually flipped around to the back. And what Daddy realized, at that very moment was something incredibly powerful: a bib turned backwards is basically a baby superhero cape! How awesome is that!
After some superhero fun, we worked on your superhero strength. Grip. Right now you have a grip that would make Lincoln Hawk jealous. The problem is that your hands don’t always know what they’re doing — so we’re focused on the difference between voluntary and involuntary. I’m going to have to say that your voluntary grip effort is really on point.
We ended the day back on Daddy’s recliner. I reclined. Rested you on my lap. And we played for a good 20 minutes. Lots of chatter. Lots of talking. Some standing. Some swaying. Some singing. Some sitting. All amazing. All, absolutely, amazing. And here’s the image I will remember most throughout the day.
There’s no denying that this was absolutely one of the best days of my life. I love you munchkin. Today my love for you is all mine. I got to feel what your Mommy feels every single day. And I loved the hell out of it. We’ll have this day, our first of many, for the rest of our lives.
Absolute silliness, the world will tell me. But it works for me. It’s obviously not sustainable nor is it remotely realistic. I’ve actually already failed.
Does this qualify as the greatest thing that has ever happened to me in my life? If not, it’s close. It’s darn close.
Suneet Bhatt 
