Tag Archives: love

PDA | The Difference Between Love and Infatuation is your Response to Friction

“F*CK!”

That’s how my Tuesday morning started. Tuesday, because it was the day after Memorial Day.

The Tuesday after Memorial Day was designed by someone who hates only one thing more than children — and that’s people who have children. There’s an amazing tension with that Tuesday. Your kids have now spent enough time talking about Summer Camp to know the school year is ending, but they’re not educated, informed, or synaptically advanced enough to understand when the year ends. Separately, they get the pump fake of a long weekend and enter Tuesday looking at you with “WTF” sharpied on their foreheads like Zach Braff and “Balls” in Garden State — but not so literally.

The day after Memorial Day for a parent is like waking up to the cryptex in a Dan Brown novel — your kids are operating with a code and a sequence that you need to spend hours deciphering. Nothing makes sense on the Tuesday after Memorial Day. Kids are primed and ready for summer vacation and then have to go back to school for three more weeks. Everything stinks for everyone.

That was this past Memorial Day.

Why? Because flying in and landing on the tarmac just in advance of the holiday weekend we had an exceptional lineup of events (COVID, birthdays, the loss of loved ones, starting new jobs and just, life).

After a hell of a 4 weeks going into Memorial Day, I didn’t even have time to think about the day after (and if you’re wondering, “The Day After” sounds like the title of a post-apocalyptic narrative because, it is, thank you 80’s and the Cold War, and also, welcome to Putin and our Remix). I didn’t have a moment to think about anything.

When you’re really tired, even your panic and anxiety looks at you and says “Ok. We get it. We’ll wait.”

I woke up on the Tuesday after Memorial Day ready to take on the world … for about 15 seconds … until my daughter’s alarm went off and the reality of my To Do list snapped into place like a Tik Tok chiropractor showing off for the “opportunistic” videographer.

“F*CK!”

(See intro.)

“It’s going to be 90 degrees today and I didn’t put the kids lunchboxes in the freezer. They’ll have temperature regulating lunch boxes that will regulate … equivalent to the surface temp of the sun!”

At this point, I’m a failure. I mean, I’m likely a failure in training running up to this moment but this moment is when it gets real.

I’m certified.

“I’m going to make my kids a turkey sandwich … that’s going to turn into a panini by 9am.”

That’s how I felt. I love paninis? But only deliberate ones.

I handled business upstairs post-alarm. Got the kids mobilized. Dressed. Ready. And I descended the stairs.

Why? Because my house is only two stories and I was upstairs.

I walked up to the freezer to open it and get ready to make space for some lunch bags. I know the instructions say these lunch bags need hours to transform from room temperature to cold temperature holding vessels — but also, screw you, I’m American and these rules don’t apply to me.

I was ready. To excuse my failure. To prepare my children for a sh*tty ass lunch (at least from a temperature standpoint). I was ready.

And then, this happened.

Yup.

My bad@ss wife was two steps (and two backpack zippers, one freezer drawer pull) ahead of me.

Their lunch bags were more than cold. They were cryogenically ready for whatever I needed them to hold. Hell, I double checked my organ donor opt-ins with optimism.

My bad@ss wife covered for me. And this moment was maybe, the highlight of my weekend.

Not my kids smiling post first roller coaster.

Not family time at LEGOLand resort.

Not promotions, and bonuses, and successful conversations at work that transform our sense of self and value professionally.

Bags.

In the freezer.

My wife. Stepping up. Like whoa.

My wife and her moves around a freezer drawer are PRECISELY what make the world go ’round, the right way.

Which brings me back to the title of this post. And I’m excited to share this with the three (3) people who will make it this far.

The secret to life and happiness isn’t “hard” to find, it just means working through a lot of boring stuff that happens just before something works. The bills are paid. The fridge is stocked. The lights turn on. The gas tank is full. The calendar is updated. The clothes are washed.

The secret to life is not missing the big little things that keep life moving forward. That make moving forward possible.

Let me put a point on it; this past week, the secret to life, was bags in the freezer. Specifically, it’s not bags in the freezer when somebody asks you to put them there, it’s bags making it to the freezer when nobody’s watching.

Friction.

Friction is not having bags in the freezer when they should be; friction is also having to ask someone to put bags in the freezer where they should be.

Most human beings will put bags in the freezer if you ask them to.

People who love you will put bags in the freezer when you wished they would have.

But love. Well, love is when people put bags in the freezer, against their standard OS, regardless of whether you asked them to or not, only because they subconscious (not their conscious) knows what will delight you. It was my job to put those bags in the freezer. But that’s why we do better in teams.

Put that sh*t into a process map.

I’m sharing this because I woke up on Tuesday morning feeling all of the above pre-freezer drawer open, and feeling overwhelmed by the rest of the above post-freezer open.

I had another moment similar to what I’ve had the past 12 months. One where I realized that I’ve found someone who’s worthy of infatuation but deserving of my love.

My wife.

When you’re young, it’s hard as hell to differentiate between love and infatuation. You just don’t know enough or feel enough. You don’t have enough experiences.

As you get older, you start seeing the difference. You infatuate at first sight; but love, well, love is what happens when you’re infatuation meets conflict, tension, and a slap in the face.

Infatuation is pre-Will Smith Slap, love is when you carry that infatuation well after the slap was televised.

The difference between infatuation and love, is how you recover from friction.

The past 2.5 years have been sandpaper in a f*cking jockstrap levels of friction.

It’s not been easy. But I’ll tell ya. The past 18 months have proven that my wife, this wonderful woman, is the antitdote for friction during infatuation.

She’s the person who sees that Tuesday after Memorial Day coming; who lets me say dumb things like “let’s take these lunch boxes out of the freezer for the weekend to make space for ice cream”.

She’s the one who let’s me say all that, be totally wrong, tucks me into bed so I can count sheep and sugarplums…

…and then descends the stairs …

…and then finds lunchboxes that I’ve archived and filed away better than <<insert world’s greatest archivist’s name here>>…

…and drops them in the freezer.

No.

Big.

Deal.

The difference between infatuation and love, is how you deal with friction. It’s Mike Tyson’s best quote brought to life, about everyone having a plan until they get punched in the mouth. Friction is the punch in the mouth.

Infatuation, is crumbling in response.

But love. It’s when the punch sets you straight not knocks you down.

Infatuation is just like that. It’s everyone being infatuated until they get punched in the mouth with what the world needs.

Love, is getting punched in the mouth, and waking up to find lunchboxes in the freezer.

Love, is having Priya, as your wife in response. May you all be so damned lucky.

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TYMMPB … | Family

People have to wonder if you’re scripted. There’s no other answer.

How is it, for a boy of 4, when granted any wish for his birthday, almost as if given a genie in a lamp, turns quickly to his parents and without batting an eye and without missing a beat, responds with more confidence than an honest man on trial:

“I want the whole family together.”

Except with you, there’s no cliffhanger.

There’s no clause to follow. There’s no extension of the ask. There’s no “I want the whole family together, so I can get more gifts.”

There’s just you.

Expressing your incredibly kind, warm, loving soul, in the most authentic of ways.

When we got the family together, and when the house we rented tortured us into leaving after 18 hours, you know what made everything ok: knowing that you would be more than ok.

I realized that the house, was for us. The pool was for us. The game room was for us. The weekend plans were for us.

The “us” was for you, and the “us” was all you needed.

As much as you find excitement in new things; gifts, toys, foods, experiences. What’s so magical about you is that consistently the simplest things make you happiest. And nothing makes you happier than time with the people (family and friends) you love.

You remind me of what’s important every morning and every night. You teach me what the world sometimes makes me unlearn.

And it is undeniably the thing that makes me proudest of you.

At age 4, going into age 5, you make me proud because your greatest and most authentic happiness comes from the people and in the ways that the entire world is taking courses, setting reminds, seeing coaches and actively seeking to get back to.

Time. Attention. To and for. The people we love.

I am proudest of what you love, of the way you love, and how simply, easily and clearly you’re showing the world, what love means to you.

Happy Birthday, Money….and thank you.

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PUPS or LOVE

Not much to say about this one except there’s a happy close to the story and the love of a great dog for which #iamgrateful and #iamthankful

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RAYA or EYES ON CARS IN CARS

in 2006, Disney release Cars. It was a triumph. John Laseter for all his faults and just misogynistic approach to everything, was still considere a genius then.

One thing he did was true first principles.

What I remember is before Cars, everyone a Car in any animated effort, was humanized, the headlights were the eyes.

They made send and were a cute hook. But they failed to give the cars fuller life.

Laseter shunned that. The windshield became the eyes and it took Cars to new levels. It also eliminated what was so much u used space that otherwise detracted form bringing cars to life.

With RAYA, which we enjoyed, I feel like Disney and Awkwafina have reimagined dragons (instead Imagine Dragons reference here).

And for what animation brings to life and then reimagines, #iamgrateful and #iamthankfulAlso, tell me when Jaanu stops doing this when we sit together. So I can prepare my heart for it.

My life will never be the same the day his instinct is to let go not hold on. Never.

https://variety.com/…/raya-and-the-last-dragon-box…/

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NUMBLY FEELING EVERY SENSE or NEW EDITION WITH JOHNNY GILL

I

Can still

Smell, Feel, Hear, Taste, See this rain.

Smell. Because you always smell rain first. Petrichor.

Feel it lightly thwacking at my forehead, forearms, balcony railings, pavement.

Hear it set a steady percussive backbeat to our descending flights of stairs

Taste it.

If you smell, you soon thereafter, taste. And everything in India ends up rolling Uber your tastebuds and landing in your lungs.

See it. Through balcony windows at every turn only to stop and cease FULLY as you emerged…as we emerged with you.

I

Can still

Sense

This rain.

And no, Johnny, not for a second, could I stand it. I took it. I had to. But I couldn’t stand it.

#iqmgrateful and #iamthankful that I can close my eyes, or catch a waft of chemistry before rain happens, and let myself be carried all the way back to carrying you. The only time I ever carried you.

May be an image of 1 person

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THOUGHTFUL, SURPRISING GIFTS or THE RULE OF (TWO) AND THREE

Over the last week or so I received three random packages, unexpectedly and based on nothing more than the generosity of three people who thought of me randomly, and sent something my way.

The best gifts are these kinds of little things, sent from afar. A reminder that you’re in people’s minds or at least, that you cross them in surprising and thoughtful ways.

And that they think enough of you to go the extra mile, to buy, to package, to transport across borders, and to ship your way. It speaks more to the people I’ve come across than to the person I am. I believe that. Because it’s stuff like this that just adds her fuel to my day, my hope, my faith, in all the good people and only people can make possible.

#iamgrateful and #iamthankful to Amit MasaunDavid Sudolsky and my cousin Chandni (not on FB) for this assortment delivered legally via planes, trains, automobiles and local couriers.

I love The Rule or Three; today I am excited about the rule of three being fulfilled in twos. How beautifully powerful and symmetrical.

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CHEEK TO CHEEK or THE BEST PART OF SHAVING

Ain’t no thing today but that cheek thing today

I shaved. Anaiya came home.

She couldn’t stop smiling and giggling while we talked about her school day.

She just kept staring at my face and smiling and giggling in her best way.

Then, finally, she stopped her story mid-thought; and grabbed my face and pushed her cheek against mine.

May be an image of 1 person, child, standing and food

#iamgrateful and #iamthankful for the few hours between when I shave and when my face gets prickly again.

And … for this girl. My magic. This is a rotating week where she’s home by 3. Which means my hugs start in earnest and 3:01. The best part of this whole darned world happening as it is, is stuff like this.

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FINDING HOPE AND FRIENDSHIP IN COMMENTS or HATE HAS NEVER CHANGED A MIND

I stepped away from Facebook for a while; two years ago I took my friends on FB down from I think a couple thousand (+) to 7. Just family. I almost went deleted it all together but the photos…ahhh, the photos and memories were the best part of it.

When I started coming back online, I promised myself I’d make Facebook the place I wanted it to be. I was going to do more to get back to my #iamgrateful and #iamthankful posts. I got a lot of negativity about these posts, but I also realized through DMs and messages how many people kind of looked forward to them. So I wanted to make this a place that brought me happiness and positive energy (I needed that in spades, especially last year, as I think many of us did).

May be an image of text that says 'Jean Rowe Suneet Bhatt you made my day. Usually if there's any kind of different view, people are mean. You have in a way restored some hope. sincerely thank you. Like Reply 3h Suneet Bhatt Jean Rowe ditto to you. Like Reply 3h ditto to you. Thank you.'

There are a lot of ways I’ve used FB to get there; but one of the most powerful has been jumping into the comment section of really heated posts and trying to see if I could find common ground with people. And it’s been amazing.

Today was that example; where I saw a woman comment on Joe BIden’s inauguration, and go down a path of slamming him for wanting to defund police.

The discussion we had in the comments was super positive. Even though around us, people were slamming her (and even laughing at me) for how we shared our perspectives.

What was awesome though, was where we ended. Giving each other just a little sprinkle of positivity and hope. That we can find common ground, even the smallest slivers.

When you put enough of those slivers together, you get steps, then stairs, and then, maybe, one day, bridges.

#iamgrateful and #iamthankful for some of the people I’ve met. Who have helped me get past the beliefs they have and into the reasons why. I am hopeful. And of all I know, I know one thing for sure: hate has never changed a mind.

On the day between MLK Day and Inauguration Day, I found hope in what many believe to be the most disappointing part of our virtual world; the comment section.

I found hope, and sometimes even, I’ve found friendship there.

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#TMLFYI … | Artistic Fandom

We all need fans.

There’s something powerful about knowing that, in advance of an achievement or an accomplishment, or in advance of something you release to the world, there’s a receptive audience.

For your ideas.

For your visions.

For your dreams.

When you think of the greatest achievements the world has known, you often think of two universes circling the achiever. The ideator.

You think of those who came so close to genius, and instead of creating space for it, cast it aside. Walked past it, or even more powerfully, stopped, stared, and let it walk on by instead.

“I’m not even going to do the work of dismissing you; you can do that yourself.”

That’s one universe.

The other universe though, is the fan.

People rise and fall to the expectations we set for them. That message is meant for the people setting expectations.

It’s most important though, for the people upon whom those expectations are set.

Which is why in those stories of genius it’s amazing to think of the power of being a fan.

One fan can offset hundreds, even thousands of detractors. One fan can negate all of the doubt, and set a bar so extraordinarily high, the doubters fade from the rear view mirror and are soon so far gone, it’s ridiculous to think they even existed.

Today, on your birthday, my magic, you did it again. You reminded me why I’m your biggest fan. You reminded me why from the moment you were born, everyone had a name for you, but I had a feeling.

“Magic.”

I watched you set up art stations in our garage for all your friends. I watched you circle the room to make sure everyone was taken care of. I watched you pick individual paint-by-numbers for each person based on what they like and what they’d like to paint.

I watched you.

I also watched you heave after all was said and done. As your friends clustered off together. I watched you circle our house alone. And then, when I tapped you on the shoulder I watched you shake your head free of some of that self doubt and questioning, and come back to earth, and make sure nobody else played alone, and make sure everyone had their goodie bag.

You make friends everywhere you go. You design, build, construct, friendships. When you make friends, you truly make them.

I watched you love and care at age 7 like many at my age can’t even fathom.

It’s when I realized that I need to be an even more vocal and bigger fan of you and the love you’re capable of bringing into this world. And so I shall.

I’ll forget sometimes. But I’ll come back to this post. I’ll look at these pictures. And I’ll remember.

That for you and your ability to love so creatively — so artistically — I’m downright fanatical.

As you turn 7, today my love for you is like what the greatest connoisseurs of art feel for their favorite artists. And then some.

I love you my magic. Keep loving the world as exceptionally as you do. I’ll remember my place and I assure you, like all great things, the world will take not and celebrate it more and more.

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COLORBLIND SHOPPING or PAPERBAG JEANS AND FLARES

I love shopping. But I hate shopping for myself. When I go for me it’s strictly DSW or TJMaxx or Target (with the occasional splurge at Kohl’s when I need a new suit).

I love shopping for my kids. But maybe the person I love shopping for the most is my wife. Because she hates shopping and I think she looks awesome in lots of things she’s never try on herself.

It’s why I get retargeted in a way that makes me believe adtech companies think I’m a 35 y o woman. Today I stumbled upon this and I’m kind of ready to dive into some paperbag jeans or flare for her as we head into the Fall.

#iamgrateful and #iamthankful for adtech and a beautiful wife who trusts my colorblind judgement.

https://crossroadstrading.com/5-trendy-denim-silhouettes…/

Also, to one of the loves of my life, #boom

https://crossroadstrading.com/5-trendy-denim-silhouettes-on-the-block/?fbclid=IwAR2tG-luFHvn9yKPdCLeJy443YokaqXjfeie__gI-XeZwaHB7aBimdQ6JOQ

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