This is a post I’ve been meaning to write for some time. My drafts folder has been littered with attempts at this for a while. I always end up deleting what I start. My hope is that I won’t tonight.
The world has been through so much the past two years. More than we deserve (I believe this) but also, exactly what we deserve (I also believe this).
Like any traumatic situation (pandemic, quarantine, recessions, etc), what follows can be seen as obvious and logical or transformative and illuminating. I love the concept of “Post-Traumatic Growth”.
I know that some people find this blog when they’re trying to understand me. As a potential hire. As a potential partner. As someone in a meeting with them. Period.
But I write this blog because I know that in my family, most men are always fighting with our genetics and our history on sustainability. I write this blog as a way to make sure that my kids know me. And hopefully as they get older, whether I’m whispering in their ear directly, or if they’re pulling me into their conscience deliberately, there’s a representation of my POV. For them. As their Buhboo (read: Dad).
As we hit the apex of the holiday season, I want to share something that’s the hardest for me to share. So hard. Because I spent a lifetime doing it.
Anaiya and Jaanu, please, don’t chase love.
I don’t want you to chase it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to chase it. I don’t want you to feel like you need, or should, or have to chase it.
Please. Don’t. Chase. Love.
Instead? Do something I’ve failed at until now. Frankly, until you.
Create space for it.
Realize you’re loved. And therefore, let love in, and let love thrive. Just don’t feel like you need to find it. Pursue it.
I write this because you two made me realize that I don’t need to chase love, instead, I need to acknowledge it. I need to make space for the love that exists, to thrive.
You two make me realize the best edges of my potential.
Anaiya: The way you block out the world for what is right. The way you care. The way you troubleshoot. The way you commit. The way you consume (information, wow do you read!) The way you ignore the crowd and love what you love. The way you sense how people feel and make sure to include. You are the best extrapolation of some modest instincts I have on that front. And wow, the way you make me feel cared for, heard and loved.
Jaanu: The way you love. The way you forgive and forget. The way you keep your circle and cycle close. The way you release emotions without fear of judgement because you know, holding it in is way worse long-term than sharing and working through it together. And man, the way you make me feel meaningful, important, and loved.
I’m writing this post now because I want you to know that you two never have to chase love.
Don’t seek it. Don’t pursue it.
Just be you. Your incredible best and amazing selves
And as a subset of that, create space for love.
Let the world love you as you are because I assure you, it will. Don’t spend time chasing love, instead, spend time creating an environment around you where the love for you thrives. I’ll tell you, kids, I missed that mark badly.
As we enter 2022, I am so immensely proud of you two. Knowing that even with my social fragility, I’ve played a role in what you are today. And I hope with posts like this that we create an environment that celebrates you as archetypes for what should follow.
I love you. I’m proud of you. You’re incredible.
Don’t make my mistakes (that I’m fixing!) Don’t chase any form of love. Instead, be you; and make space for love to come to you.
In doing so, the right love will inevitably come to you.
FWIW, I’m already there. In whatever space exists. Because you deserve it.
Create space. Find space. Pursue space.
But homies. Please. Learn from my mistakes and don’t chase. Just allow. Allowing, is inevitably more powerful than … chasing.