Category Archives: #iamgrateful #iamthankful

GODIN ON GRATEFUL

Entitlement is optional. It’s not forced on us, it’s something we choose.

And we rarely benefit from that choice.

That emergency surgery, the one that saved your life, when the ruptured appendix was removed—the doctor left a scar.

We can choose to be grateful for our next breath.

Or we can find a way to be enraged, to point out that given how much it costs and how much training the doctor had, that scar really ought to be a lot smaller. And on top of that, he wasn’t very nice. We’re entitled to a nice doctor!

Or we can choose to be grateful.

Marketers have spent trillions of dollars persuading us that we can have it all, that we deserve it, and that right around the corner is something even better.

Politicians have told us that they’ll handle everything, that our pain is real and that an even better world is imminent.

And we believe it. We buy into our privilege as well as the expectation that our privilege entitles us to even more. It’s not based on status or reality. It’s a cultural choice.

And you’re entitled to your entitlement if you want it.

But why would you?

Entitlement gets us nothing but heartache. It blinds us to what’s possible. It insulates us from the magic of gratitude. And most of all, it lets us off the hook, pushing us away from taking responsibility (and action) and toward apportioning blame and anger instead.

Gratitude, on the other hand, is just as valid a choice. Except that gratitude makes us open to possibility. It brings us closer to others. And it makes us happier.

There’s a simple hack at work here: We’re not grateful because we’re happy. We’re happy because we’re grateful.

Everything could be better.

Not because we deserve it (we don’t, not really). But because if we work at it, invest in it and connect with others around it, we can make it better. It’s on us.

It’s difficult work, counter-instinctual work that never ends.

But we keep trying. Because it’s worth it.

#Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful that you thought enough to send this to me Mike Kotler. I appreciate the hell out of it. Wish I’d written it. Hope to catch up soon, man.

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POVs

I fully missed Trump’s press conference. I started reading headlines from NYT, CNN, FOX, Breitbart, Young Conservatives … and I’m lost. Did any of you folks watch it? Would love to hear all sides. Also, side note … does anyone else feel that people and their political parties are starting to act like NFL fans? I compare reading headlines about this news conference (and last night’s speech) to watching a football game between rival teams, with rival fans — and arguing every penalty. It’s amazing how the exact same thing, that everyone sees, can have two such wildly different interpretations.

#Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful the Broncos aren’t in the playoffs this year. I can watch football objectively, or, do what I’ve been doing, and ignore it altogether. 🙂

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GOOD DUDE

I said it about GW when he left office. I’m still looking for that one story I read way back about the way GW treated WH staff, and the way GW built out his Christmas Card list to a scale (of thanks, gratitude and inclusion) never seen before. I now say it about Obama. Not a comment or critique on his Presidency. Just a statement about whether or not he was a good man. I’ll watch and listen as folks say no. Talk about a variety of interpretations of why he wasn’t (funny Politico article today about how Obama should have picked more enemies and been less calm — like an ounce of Obama rage would not have triggered so much backlash and undermined everything he stood for). I spend my life looking for the good in people. When I debate with someone at work, I start with what kind of a son they are, what kind of mom they are, what kind of friend they are. I watched a good man give a speech tonight. (I then quickly went to Fox to watch Hannity polarize the entire conversation and find himself in position to not say one positive thing about the President — which is impossible. Not one thing? Please, stick to your talking points.) I hope, 4 years from now, I’m writing a similar sentiment. About a man’s final days in office. About a man on the cusp of his second term. I hope at the very least I’m saying, “good dude”. #Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful for the “good people” approach to engaging in debate.

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PLAYED

We. Are all being played. If we comment on Streep and not on Sessions, we are being played. If we take a side on Putin and the 2016 election, without acknowledging he aimed to influence and change public opinion (objectively true) but he didn’t hack votes and thus the electoral process (objectively true), we are being played. If we call what someone writes “fake news” because we disagree with it, we are being played. If we revere Obama, without honestly talking about his calming presence (he was the embodiment of Presidential), his wins (a more inclusive America as it pertains to health, gender, religion, orientation), his losses (a massive and increasing wealth gap gone uncurbed), his obstacles (obstructionism for ideology), we are being played. If we criticize Republicans for going nuclear, without criticizing Democrats for giving them that power and weakening our Democracy, we are being played. My newsfeed makes me sad today. I feel like I am being yelled at in both ears, other ear be d*mned. #Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful I can always hug my kids and hope they will grow up capable of starting with empathy. But most importantly, starting with what is objectively and undeniably true.

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iPHONE MIRACLES

My phone has been unresponsive for the past 24+ hours. I never backed it up. Everything that matters to me (digitally) is pretty much on this device (photos, videos). The irrecoverable. It’s been a painful 24 hours thinking that we may lose some photos that are so important. And we can’t get them back. Called an Apple genius (literally, a genius). Was told to take it into the store. Called Verizon. Nothing. Called the Apple Store? They hung up on me (furreal). So I spent the past hour digging in on articles about the subject. Nothing. Then … I got desperate. Priya KC Bhatt as my witness. And I delved into the land of misfit toys otherwise known as “the comments section”. And I found this miracle. Written by this user. That worked. I bent my iPhone slightly. Just lightly twisted and turned it. And it works. I’m backing up everything. I bought a TB of iCloud storage. And I’m going to get my new phone ASAP. But for this guy. In this comments section. On this random blog I scoured. #Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful <and the hashtag is back, everyone who hates on can unfriend me. 🙂 But this is a miracle and holy hell do I feel grateful and thankful right now.

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HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Gift from my folks and sis? Sleeping in until 945am. #Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful for year 6 in the books and many more to come. Love you Priya!!

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FAMILY

If you were taught well, teach well. If you weren’t taught, teach yourself first, then get to teaching well.

Teach your children well,

Their father’s hell did slowly go by,

And feed them on your dreams

The one they picks, the one you’ll know by.

Don’t you ever ask them why, if they told you, you will cry

,So just look at them and sigh

And know they love you.

#Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful … for Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young

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MORE

’nuff said. #Iamhopeful#Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful … More please.

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TO MY CHILDREN

Another long one. As we get closer to Thanksgiving I’lll evolve my tone. But these need to be written. Yesterday i wrote about dark times. Today I write about some frameworks that shape how I think. You can be angry. You can be frustrated. You can be hurt. You can be so many things. But you also have to find your way forward.

There are four models and frameworks for evaluating challenges that I fall back on collectively, and when they are assembled and unified…and when checked against one another…have always made me feel something more was possible. They have always enabled me to keep moving. Literally, from the moments I have faced in my life that could be classified or categorized as a challenge or a even a tragedy. With these frameworks and mental models, I find ways to move forward instantly. Progress.

Each one of these was learned and acquired. From a book. A speech. Something.

1) Pendulum Theory. I read this one sentence in a history book but lost that book forever. We are, no matter what we choose, a reaction to what raised us. Think of a pendulum. At some point it is moving in a direction in response to the moment immediately prior to it. It is in perpetual motion but it isn’t so much linear as much as it is momentum against and a reaction to what just happened the moment before. This point is important to me because…it is about change and motion. We are constantly in motion. Never in a moment of stasis.

2) Revolution Theory: This is the Amiri Baraka/Leroi Jones point. was lucky enough to watch him speak at Lucy Stone Hall on Livingston Campus while at Rutgers. And man. He was past caring what you thought about what he thought. A man who worked in our residence hall as a janitor attended in earnest. I can’t remember his name but I can remember his energy around attending. And he stood up to ask a question about revolutions. The janitor…got crushed. Baraka then fought all points about revolutions (physical vs psychological notably) and settled on one of the most important things I’ve ever heard in my life. The idea…that revolutions are only successful if they are above and below ground. Above so people can join with you, and below so by the time everyone else knows you’re coming, it’s too late. I have since evolved that for myself. But it’s so true. You need diplomats and rebels. You need lovers and fighters. You need … them both. Because when push comes to shove what you need, is the most allies. I made my own analogy this AM. About an underground revolution growing roots and growing under even destabilizing the counterpoint. While the above ground grows high and wide to cast a massive shadow. What I was too subtle about was where we chose to grow. Ideally in the cracks of our adversaries arguments. Because that’s the only way we can disrupt from the foundation and dominate optically, while ensuring we both come from the exact same place.

3) Progressive Spiral Theory: Thank you Francis Fukuyama. Who I also read as a freshman at Rutgers. It’s the idea that life doesn’t move linearly but instead, in progressive spirals. Which means we hit a point that in the moment feels like exceptional advancement (a half-black man becoming President) only to immediately see ourselves in the next moment that feels like an amazing step back (Google “alt-right” and filter the search results over the past 1 week.) But that’s what’s magical about it. We progress. And then we cycle back. To reset. Get our sea legs. But also, to find a way forward and then come back for the rest of us. Because at the very tip of the spear of humanity we’re a search party that reports back on what’s possible. 2008. 2012. That was what’s possible. 2016. That is us reporting back so the masses can debate and soon, join the rest of us in the future which just so happens to be 2008. But let’s realize that how close or how far you are from that progressive spiral is what directly correlates to your happiness and sadness. A minority living today on that spiral post-Trump is not happy. But it’s a moment. Seconds. No different than that same person being on that timeline on inauguration day 2008. One feels oppressive. one feels liberating. Depending on your choice, I’ll know where you stand.

4) Amalgamation Theory: How do you pull it all together? You pray. And you love the hell out of everyone. Even the people who make you question whether you’re loving too much. You say…if the pendulum is swinging in a certain direction

if the revolution is being fought on all levels

if we’re on a spiral, at some point

You feel hopeful. Because we’re moving. We’re part of that movement as lovers or fighters; as pacifists and revolutionaries. We’re part of it.

And focusing on steps forward and steps back only means focusing on distractions from perpetual (which it is), progressively spiraling (which it is) motion (which … it is.)

#Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful for what Rutgers University and Rutgers University Livingston Campus taught me. Anaiya and Jaan, I hope you embrace all four theories collectively. Your first models for thinking.

The first set of approaches as arrows in your quiver. What I’ve outlined above is how I make decisions everywhere. Those are my starting point. Let it be a factor in yours. Just a factor at least. Note the progressive spirals in 25 year increments … 1965 < 1990 < 2016.

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THAT YEAR I LUNCHED WITH NEO-NAZIS

Check out the sign. That’s my home. I grew up in South Jersey. Formative school years in the late 80’s and early 90’s. Hip Hop’s true golden age, FWIW WaPo. I had an interesting life in two distinct parts. I had my parents and their friends. Everyone on the other side — the better side — of the tracks. Weekend escapes into communities and houses where I felt at least surrounded by people who looked like me and had conversations like my parents and I had at home. On the flip? I had my school. Two of my best friends in school were South Asian and we pretty much made up that ethnic cohort for, outside of siblings, years above and below us. Blue collar Italian and Irish. It was a fascinating experiment which I think the three of us handled differently. Those two went, quite honestly, with the cool and the smart kids. Because they were smarter, more likable, and better looking than I was. (Truth. Just look at report cards and pics.) I spent a ton of time immersed in the counter culture because I just wanted to understand. Hip Hop culture. Skater culture. Straight edge culture. But the most immersive for me was senior year. When I spent all but my last month sitting … with neo nazis and skinheads. Yup. See growing up where we grew up in NJ (more Vineland than us, but we still got you covered) got you coverage on 20/20 and the Philadelphia Inquirer. Most notably for having the densest population of hate groups outside of Texas. I read and read and tried to empathize and empathize and learn and learn. And fear and fear. Turned to something weird. A progressive spiral of understanding (thank you Francis Fukuyama for teaching me that visual way to represent my own progress — more on you in a subsequent post.) Something that took me back into dark places in high school and then brought me back to a place where I could sit with them and not be afraid. Not be condescending. Just sit with them. And they let me in. The daily pictures of new flags in bedrooms were unsettling but I started learning why. Not always hate just a desire to be a part of something. And to reject something (authority more than POC actually). It hurt. But it made me more aware. Which is why I was able to be in the room with our principal (RIP) when he decided to cancel Halloween one year because kids were going to come in dressed like the KKK. I write this because three times in my life have I visited that dark place i did my senior year in high school. It’s also why I’ve continued to study and monitor those groups and trends ever since (I bet I’m on an FBI watchlist for some of the sites I’ve visited–like Clayton Bigsby, but without the self-hate!) I’ve literally never shared the depths of those stories and probably never will. Three times. Junior to Senior Year. The months after 9/11. And the past 10 days. Which is why I am sharing this picture. This sign. Because that’s my ‘hood. And look at the diversity represented in the sign. Check out who makes up the GTWP Green Squad? It’s a diverse coalition. That sign would never have gone up 25 years ago when I was in high school. Now it’s not only up, it’s front and center. And the best part? The sign isn’t about diversity. It’s about something else. Which when you know you have progress is when your inclusion implicitly happens, vs when your inclusion must be explicitly pursued. We went to this playground and ran around with Anaiya on Saturday. It felt like home. We were one of three total groups of minorities on the playground — I’ll go with 75 total people across the grounds. I feel bad that I noticed it that day. I usually don’t (unless it’s worth making a joke about.) But #Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful that while noticing that, we came across this sign. Life doesn’t move linearly forward. It moves forward in a series of progressive spirals. There is no end of history. If we focus too much on the immediate moment, as opposed to what got us here and what can take us forward, everything feels like a straight line forward or back. It doesn’t feel like progress, it just feels inevitably straight. And it isn’t. Me? I’m settling into another loop. We’ll come back better with more people along for the ride. It’s all I’ve got. Thanks for reading.

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