Tag Archives: wedding

DADDY | TENDING VS TRENDING TO ENTROPY or HIGH HOPES

Hi Daddy.

Two months. One day. If you forget timezones and just focus on days and dates. It’s been two months and one day since we lost you. Just typing that brings a coating of tears over my eyes and in a second, everything’s blurry — like I’m looking through our windshield while driving through the rinse cycle at a carwash.

You are, forever gone. We’ve covered this.

There is absolutely nothing I can do about any of the fights we had, the times we parted angry, the times I decided to do something else instead of spending time with you, the times I didn’t live up to your expectations and knew I wasn’t. These were just moments in the moment. They come at me quickly, sparked by the smallest thing (I wiped my hands with the wrong hand towel and <<THUD>> like a sledgehammer hitting some part of my body, instantly, my heart, my stomach, my knees, I remember one of those moments in a moment.)

It’s going to happen forever. We’ve covered this.

What is really helping is the chiropractic work you’re performing on my life on a daily basis. And that’s what I want you to know the most. Twice a day I stop, I pause, I breathe, I close my eyes, I think of your (always freshly shaven) face and I reset. You snap me back into place. In-between those moments, life happens. Entropy happens. But all of this has made me more deliberate and more active in not allowing my life to trend to disarray. I’m tending to things more actively and deliberately. I still do, say dumb things. But I’m more aware. It’s not half the battle (Duke, Gung-Ho, Scarlet, and Roadblock lied to us when we were growing up). But it’s a part of the battle.

Life can either trend or tend to entropy. Im tending to it and taking care. We’ve covered this.

Something that’s jumped out at me over the past 2 months and 1 day is that I’ve heard a lot of people say things about life; I’m getting lots of advice. And there’s a lot of it that settles in around statements like “have no expectations” or “expect nothing”.

And I tell you, Daddy. I struggle like hell with that. I don’t think it’s the right way to live. I’m feeling a little push to the opposite.

I’m raising my expectations of people. Of every moment in life. Because as we’ve talked about, people most often rise and fall to the expectations you set for them. When you walk through life expecting nothing of people you actually aren’t making the world a better place. You’re simply making it easier for you to accept whatever comes your way.

DADDY | 4-5

That’s not good enough. Not anymore. We’ve covered this.

I mean it especially of your grandkids. I’m going to keep expecting the most out of them.

The rub? I’m going to applaud their effort, and make sure none of my happiness is tied to the outcome. The result. Anaiya and I talked about it this morning, actually. And things became really clear.

DADDY | 4-5 2

The world will rise and fall to our expectations. You were right to expect more from me; from all of us; from the whole darned world. Your idealism on right and wrong. Your clarity on the fact that absolute right did exist and absolute wrong could and should be called out, is what we need more of.

I’m not stepping back and expecting less, or nothing, of life and the people who fill it. And I’m not going to expect anything but amazing from your grandkids. But I will promise you, hand to heart, head to food, head to toe … i’ll never be disappointed by outcomes again, only by controllable effort and inputs.

Expect the world of the world. Because … people rise and fall to the expectations you set for them.

Me? I’ve got hiiiiiiiiigh hopes. But we’ve covered this.

Love you, Daddy. Talk soon.

PS – Mom would have made you proud at the wedding. Eeshan Kaka andShannon Kaki too. It was beautiful. 🙂

DADDY | 4-5 3

Note: I’ve collected all the posts and thoughts I’ve shared about my Daddy’s death in one place. Some people have found it helpful as they’ve navigated through their own experiences, or, as they’ve had to step in to support others. This is one in a series, and you can find the full list of posts here.

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TYMMPB… | Family Weddings Rock

Maybe this time it’s not about you as much as it’s about one of the most celebrated moments you’ll witness: someone getting married.

It’s incredible. I’m not sure how to help you understand it, but imagine one entire group of people, meeting and loving and enjoying time with an entirely different set of people, traveling far and wide, dedicating days and hours, eating dancing, singing, laughing…

…all because of you.

That’s what it feels like to get married and to bear witness to your own marriage. It’s humbling. The entire world and everything you’ve done, been up to that moment converges, in support and celebration of the most powerful love you’ve felt to date.

You? You took your Masi’s wedding all in stride. More “A” game, but I mean, how could you not be smiling this wide with all the love flowing around you?

You may have had a moment of hesitation at the outset, but you came around pretty quickly. And then, you were all in.

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TMLFYI… | Nas

Jessi Masi and Ganesh Masard got married. It was your first wedding. And outside of the bride, I really must say, you stole the show.

Your mom positioned you well for all that show theft for what it’s worth. For every event, you had a tailor made outfit. You wore it with grace and style. Even when you put different parts of your clothing in your mouth, you did so with elegance.

Here are some artistic glam shots from the wedding itself. Mostly because you were sleeping and I couldn’t get a great all-in photo of you to start (it’s hard to magically crop out all of the different belts that strap you in the Cybex Aton.) But also because your Eku Foi started taking the top down photos of you through your bow so I think we’re going to keep that theme flowing. From there, I thought jewelry shots would be lovely. And wouldn’t you know it? They are.

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I was able to get a shot of it all coming together, with you in your mom’s arms and a hell of a backdrop that only you two could outshine.

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But in the end, my favorite pose was you doing your Nas … “if you ruled the world” (imagine that?) Yes, this is how I think you’re going to look the moment you realize the world is all yours.

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Sofie in hand. Not a care in the world. It’s your move, world.

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