Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY or LOVING INFINITELY AND FINITE LOVE

Some of our clearest moments come from our darkest times.

Maybe it’s because things are so dark, noisy, muddled, unclear, that the only way back to clarity is to focus.

Squint. Find a point of light. A pinhole. Home in. Move toward it. And hope that pinhole doubles in size, as you walk toward it.

Until it goes from a single pinhole of light to a porthole in the darkness.

Until it goes from a porthole in the darkness to a window.

Until it goes from a window in the darkness to a door. A door you can walk through. Back into that light.

And depending on your energy and state, you can stop walking whenever you need. For a break. At pinhole, porthole, window, and even closed but unlocked door. To catch your breath and continue your journey.

Forward. Always forward.

When Daddy died, I rethought a lot of things. I went from being outside in the sun to back in the darkest, Vantablack, environ.

And I did what we all should do. Took a deep breath, and looked for that pinhole of light. And walked toward it. Love was that pinhole.

My walk forwards towards new love was conducted in words and sounds and still images. Posted on my blog and here on Facebook.

This one. From Valentine’s Day is thus worth resharing.

Because the past year has taught me, and as much as I don’t want to think of John Mayer whenever I utter this phrase I do, “Love is a verb.”

It’s all action, work, effort. It’s active.

And the best way to love is to start by understanding that though your love for someone can be infinite, your ability to express it, and their ability to receive it, is finite. Because they will leave. You will leave. In some way.

Keep that in mind.

>>> At some point all that’s left of your love is what people can or choose to carry forward. Give them an abundance so even if they take just a little of what you’ve given, they’ll carry forward, a lot. <<<

And whatever conclusion that leads you to, let it lead you to a place that clarifies what love, wanting, feeling, and expressing, means to you. Let it walk you from pinhole to porthole to window and through door.To what love means to you and what it means for you to love.

For me, it’s outlined in the post I wrote about this 3 years ago when Daddy died:

https://suneetbhatt.com/…/d-love-or-the-insanely-finite/

But I’ll restate. I mean for the few of you that read this far I’ll spare the extended effort of reading the below.“

#iamgrateful and #iamthankful that I kissed my Daddy on the cheek every single time I saw him, and every single time I said goodbye. (No matter the dynamic, mind you.) Including when I landed in India last week. My love for my father is infinite and will carry with me until my own last breath. My ability to say it to him directly, and to know that he has heard me, to make sure he knows he was loved, feels today, very much in the realm of the finite.

Love your family. Love your friends. Love the people around you. Not the way you want to love them, but the way they want to be loved. Love them not so you can say aloud that you expressed your love, but rather, so that someone very comfortably and very consistently and very clearly says ‘I know I am loved, and I know you love me.’”

I love you all. I do. Happy Valentine’s Day.

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LOVE or THE INSANELY FINITE

The ability to feel love, is for all intents and purposes, eternal. You express it involuntarily from the moment you’re born, and you express it in whatever form possible for as long as you’re humanly capable. But the ability to show that love to someone, to extend it to the people you love, to know they feel it in return, is incredibly finite. The ability to make someone feel loved is INsanely finite.

For today, for this Valentine’s Day, I hope you are motivated by the insanely finite in pursuit of the infinite.

#iamgrateful and #iamthankful that I kissed my Daddy on the cheek every single time I saw him, and every single time I said goodbye. Including when I landed in India last week. My love for my father is infinite and will carry with me until my own last breath.

My ability to say it to him directly, and to know that he has heard me, to make sure he knows he was loved, feels today, very much in the realm of the finite. Love your family. Love your friends. Love the people around you. Not the way you want to love them, but the way they want to be loved.

Love them not so you can say aloud that you expressed your love, but rather, so that someone very comfortably and very consistently and very clearly says “I know you love me.”

Love you all. I do.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

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DADDY | LOVE or THE INSANELY FINITE

The ability to feel love, is for all intents and purposes, eternal. You express it involuntarily from the moment you’re born, and you express it in whatever form possible for as long as you’re humanly capable. But the ability to show that love to someone, to extend it to the people you love, to know they feel it in return, is incredibly finite.

The ability to make someone feel loved is INsanely finite.

For today, for this Valentine’s Day, I hope you are motivated by the insanely finite in pursuit of the infinite.

#iamgrateful and #iamthankful that I kissed my Daddy on the cheek every single time I saw him, and every single time I said goodbye. Including when I landed in India last week. My love for my father is infinite and will carry with me until my own last breath. My ability to say it to him directly, and to know that he has heard me, to make sure he knows he was loved, feels today, very much in the realm of the finite.

Love your family. Love your friends. Love the people around you. Not the way you want to love them, but the way they want to be loved. Love them not so you can say aloud that you expressed your love, but rather, so that someone very comfortably and very consistently and very clearly says “I know you love me.”

Love you all. I do. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Note: I’ve collected all the posts and thoughts I’ve shared about my Daddy’s death in one place. Some people have found it helpful as they’ve navigated through their own experiences, or, as they’ve had to step in to support others. This is one in a series, and you can find the full list of posts here.

 

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TYMMPB… | You’ll Take Care of Them

There are two people in your life you have absolute, undeniable responsibility for, from the moment you’re born. Your Mumma. And your sister.

I don’t want this to sound overly dramatic; I simply want to make clear the role you play in their lives. (Note: I have the same conversation with your sis lest you think there’s some slant or bias here.)

There’s a one month period every year where this will be more important than ever: January 12 – February 15. Why? Because you’ve got Anaiya’s birthday, Valentine’s Day, and your Mumma’s birthday coming at you faster than you’ll know what to do with.

Keep calm. Give hugs. Sit in laps as long as you can; and when you can’t any longer, sleep in them. That last one lasts forever; I know, because I still sleep in my Mumma’s lap.

You did a bang up job of it this year. You let them get whacky while you just smiled, and chilled, and hugged, and loved.

Sometimes, it can really be that simple. You found a way to make their day about them, but making sure you never made it about you. So young, and already, so wise. Keep it going, Jaanu.

TYMMPB | Feb

And Happy Birthday, Mumma. Also, the house didn’t always look like that mess behind you. We’re moving soon.

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TMLFYI… | Valentined

Munchkin, let’s talk about St. Valentine. Specifically, Valentine’s Day. It is about as controversial a non-holiday as you’ll have. Couples reject it because of the unnecessary commercialization of love. The truly romantic go Earth Day, where “Everyday is Valentine’s Day” if you really love someone. You have Gal-entine’s Day for women who embrace their single lives. Even the origins are called into question, from reinforcing the advent of Spring and bloom (literally) to bloody whippings leading to increased human fertility (slightly more abstractly, and dramatically more painfully.)

None of that has ever mattered to me. It all strikes me as trying too hard to avoid something that hurts no one. It’s a day where the world tells you it’s ok to show your love publicly, and where everyone goes out of their way to make it easier for you to do so. Why would anyone want to get in the way of that?

I watched a near parade of 20 something guys at work proudly carrying long-stem roses out of the office on their way to meet their dates for the event. Instead of worrying about where they were going to get BBQ for the day, another group was making a trek to a high-end chocolatier to pick up exquisite chocolates for their loves (no matter how transient or permanent.)

So today my love for you fully embraces the modern, Hallmarked definition of Valentine’s Day. You’re wearing an adorable heart flecked outfit (hoodie on top) that makes you even more

Anaiya Valentineirresistible. And the people around you who love you so much on a daily basis, have added cartoon-ish heart shaped love to their already excessive displays of affection for you.

What’s wrong with a day dedicated to love? I’d be happy to have more days dedicated to love, but does that mean we shouldn’t be happy to even have one? Let’s agree to spend our time debating and discussing things of true value, and otherwise embracing any thing (holiday, event) that inspires us to show how much we love each other. To keep it even more real, I sometimes run out of time to shower, I sometimes forget to eat, and I sometimes (often) forget where I put my glasses. Life gets busy. I don’t do everything I’m supposed to do every single day and I will be honest about it. I welcome any public reminder to make sure I stop and tell you and everyone I love how much I actually love them.

Let everyone else gripe about the value, merit and decision to participate in or reject the commercialization of Valentine’s Day. I see no reason to try so hard to fight momentum around loving you. We’re going to watch Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and Woodstock because they make us laugh, and Valentine’s Day has given them an opportunity to do so in the context of hearts.

Happy (1st) Valentine’s Day, my lovely. I can’t wait for the next one.

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