Tag Archives: father and son


We distributed your ashes today. There’s so much I want to write and say but I don’t know if I have the energy for it: too much life happening recently.

I do want to share a few things, though.

For example, when we took your body down in India and prepared you for cremation, the sky opened up and refreshed the earth with rain. Quickly. Just while we carried you down. It stopped precisely when we hit the ground floor. Well, today, we took those ashes from that day for distribution. And when we sat in the car, and turned away from our cul-de-sac, our windshield began to be spotted by rain again. Just for the drive. Just for those 22 minutes. It was beautiful. It’s too poetic for me to leave it as a coincidence. Instead, I used it as a crutch for the ceremony. I needed crutches. My knees were ripe to buckle a few times — mom’s face, Tita’s tears…most powerfully when your grandkids were participating. Throwing your ashes to the wind and water. Oh wow. Then. Yes then.

Those rain drops. Ami Chhatna, gave me some strength. It was beautiful to see even Mother Nature bow her head and shed some tears for you.

You’re also, all space and air and memories and legacy now. Your ashes are no longer in our house. That was a crutch for all of us too. It sounds silly. But that box in the house … that was comfort. It’s no more. And that’s hard. That’s really hard, Daddy.

Mom said it. “It’s real.” And she said so much more. Yes, we are going to be fine. But yes, it’s still so hard.

Finally. I wore your shirt today. I shaved this morning. I had my glasses on. And when I saw myself in the car window I startled myself. Honestly. I did a double take. I thought I saw you. And then I looked harder. I saw what looked like a wire hanger holding up your shirt. Hollow. Two dimensional. Empty. There’s so much legacy, love, life, to fill. If I have to be honest, which I have to be, I’m not filling it. I’m just not close to filling it.

You are your legacy longer than you are your self.#iamgrateful and #iamthankful for how you are being carried forward. How people are keeping you alive. How your presence is being maintained even as your person moves More permanently into the past. That’s beautiful. That’s a crutch. When people talk about you and remember you. Those are little crutches too.

I look at all you’ve left behind. Your legacy is incredible. It’s humbling. Mine pales, Daddy. #truth. It’s been a lot to process. But truth is truth. However when you see those grandkids of yours I think the world sees all the best of you carrying forward. That’s also your truth. They are some of the best of your legacy. And that too…is perhaps my strongest crutch. You. In them.

That’s beautiful too.#iamgrateful and #iamthankful for that We miss you, Daddy. It was chilly today. You’d have hated the weather. But loved the day.

Leave a comment

Filed under #iamgrateful #iamthankful


You turned 4 today. You have been magic from before day 1. The fact that you will never be 3 again crushes me and brings me to my knees. But we also know that with every day you grow older, you come one step closer to changing the whole darned world. You started with all of us.

May be an image of 1 person

On your birthday this year, you’re expanding your impact by giving to kids and strangers you’ve never met before (thank you Daymaker!)

#iamgrateful and #iamthankful for you every darned day. Even when we’re strict. Know that hurts us more than it hurts you. Love you, bbcc. Magic. Pumpkin. Sona baccha. Princess. Neeya.

You fill up every ounce of space the world gives you with love, life, laughter, and sometimes, some powerful gas. But we’re good. 😉


Leave a comment

Filed under #iamgrateful #iamthankful


After two deep posts I wanted to go with something simpler, purer, and universally understood. This kid teaches me what happiness means on the daily. By example. I can’t get enough of him and #Iamgrateful and #Iamthankful there’s no limit to my subscription. 🙂

Leave a comment

Filed under #iamgrateful #iamthankful


This is how you turned one. Rough night for you. Rough few days (week?) You woke up crying at 1045. I picked you for the long haul at 1115 after some pick ups and put downs. But you know? It’s all good. You’ve earned it. You have had such an understated year. You were born in the shadow of a job switch and your sister going to school. You were so quiet on our first vacation people wondered where you were.

You moved between nannies while smiling at each and every one. You waited to crawl until nobody was really watching probably because you didn’t want to be a distraction. You moved houses before you moved yourself. You’ve been teething for 8 months and just got a tooth. The sourest demeanor you ever have is cured by taking you outside so you can wave … to everyone. You take meds with a smile (like you take everything else.) You love your sister and let her make you smile like I never knew smiling was possible. You are a momma’s boy. Keep that, homie. It will get you far. Or at least, protect you forever. You have your grandfathers in you (and in your name), linked to them forever (and ever.) You take your time. The more we rush and hustle around you the more you naturally, instinctively, and subtly, humble our pace. You are everything this whole family needed. You are what your mom ordered but what I needed.

#iamgrateful and #iamthankful for this moment. Some rare QT. And I get to brag that you turned one in my arms. (Note: I put you back in your crib peacefully a second before posting this. You probably woke up and faked some tears so I could have this moment and story to tell.) HBD, Jaanu.

No photo description available.

Leave a comment

Filed under #iamgrateful #iamthankful


More good times in NYC with the fam. Deepal Mami joined us for the Children’s Museum and lunch. Anaiya had a field day with Dora and other exhibits. And Jaan had a blast waving to all of Manhattan…his favorite person to wave to? Still himself though.

#iamgrateful and #iamthankful for the day and a half we just had in the city and for the personalities our kids keep developing. This guy? I like where he’s headed. Nice way to wave good bye to month 12 and hello to your first birthday!


Leave a comment

Filed under #iamgrateful #iamthankful


When your soon to be 1 yo decides 130am is game time, it’s game time. So let’s do this. #iamgrateful and #iamthankful that this little guy is as cute and chill as he is. It’s your world, homie. It’s your world.

May be an image of 2 people

Leave a comment

Filed under #iamgrateful #iamthankful

TYMMPB… | You Build Bridges

It ain’t right.





Jaanu, there are some people who are trying to turn us into a world of walls. Walls have sides. Not the good kind. The kind you take. Not the kind you leave.

I’m not a fan of walls. Your Mom and I are looking at buying a house soon and every time we walk into a place the first thing I’m looking at is what walls we can take down. I get them. Walls are necessary. Like medicine is necessary. Like funky cheese is necessary.

But too many walls and they lose their purpose. You move from a place where you’re keeping the bad things out, to a place where you’re keeping only you, in.

That’s why I prefer bridges. Bridges have sides too. The kind you talk about because you’re committed to leaving from or going to. The bridge isn’t the end goal. It’s the vehicle that enables the ultimate end goal: connections.

TYMMPB | September Sandwich

Today you make me proud because, just a few months in, and you already get the value of bridging. Keep doing that hard work and heavy lifting, BBCC.

Leave a comment

Filed under #TYMMPB...

TYMMPB … | Touch Matters

I’ve had lots of discussions about the power of human influence. There’s much to cover. What is it that we can do that puts us in the greatest position to impact another person. To affect another person.

Quote after quote talks about the power of words. The impact of words. Our greatest drug. What they have more power then.


But there’s a funny thing about words. They’re easy. And so, though on the high end, they may have the ability to move, to build, to halt, to destroy, to inspire, to elevate, to bewilder, to deflate. On the highest of ends I see that. I get it.

But you can also throw words away. You can lose them. They can leave you before you pass a thought.

That’s the range of words. You know what does words one better?

TYMMPB | August - Hand


Touch can be beautiful. Touch can be devastating. But it is always acknowledged. It is powerfully deliberate. And as a result, it’s rare to have touch that isn’t meaningful. Impactful.

I’m not saying it can’t be accidental. But you give it your own whirl and tell me, in the end, which made the greatest impact. A casual word, or casual contact.

Elbow. Cheek. Hand. Head. Shoulder. Waist. Knee.

More than a thousand words, son, I tell you, placing your hand on any one of these places can erase the need for words. Can show us the limitation of words.

Today you make me proud because you get it. I tried telling you that, but I grabbed your two fingers and held on through the night instead.

Because. Touch.


Leave a comment

Filed under #TYMMPB...