It’s been crazy. Days. Weeks. Months. Maybe years? It’s been crazy.
I’ve been wanting to write something all day as I’ve watched the stream of photos and videos pop up as reminders on my phone and right here on Facebook.
Facebook was throwing haymakers, Daddy.
All because you turned 80 today.
Not your body. But you. Your legacy. Your memory. Your impact. Your values. Your jokes. You. All the things that are you except for the thing that was you, turned 80 today.
I think that’s what I realized today and that’s what I talked to the kids about this morning. There is no would have. There just is. Is the fact that you turned 80 today.
When I woke Jaanu up and his eyes went from tired, to glinted, to tear coated just enough to bulge but not enough to burst and stream down his cheek. All because it was your birthday?
Also, I’ll tell you, for a four year old, his eyes tested hydrogen bonding better than most and many have.
When Anaiya watched the video of her singing you Happy Birthday — and holy hell, Daddy, am I happy we have that video, I think for Mumma, it may be more important than oxygen some days — when watching her watch that video of you and watching her face turn from laughing and smiling at herself to deeply missing you on your birthday.
When those things happened, I realized that you turned 80 today. To hell with biology. To hell with philosophy. To hell with cosmic theories of existence. To hell with it all.
In your grandson’s eyes. In your granddaughter’s heart. You are here. Present. Deeply present. And you turned 80 today, Daddy. Can’t wait to be with you all the same next year, when you turn 81.